An Index of What Remains

   I don't have the first three books, sadly, anymore. They were entrusted to a friend who said he had family in the publication business (yes, at one point, I seriously considered trying to get these published). Sadly, he didn't follow through. In fact, he didn't follow through on two fronts: 1) Never sending them to the "right" people, and 2) Never bothering to return them back to me.

I've lost contact with him since. 

   However, I do remember exactly what the first three were all about and how they went. I would've said "perks for having made them", but they were extremely juvenile simple to begin with:

(approximately what I tried to make the original cover look like)

• JESUS 3000 - The introductory story where Satan, fed up with being stuck in Hell, plots to overtake Earth, raises an army, gets thwarted by Jesus, Satan loses his hand in a chainsaw fight, gets sent back to bowels of Hell, and the book ends with a bonus death when Jesus kills the Easter Bunny. Special guest appearance by: Saddam Hussein (he was big in the news at the time, again) for hoarding nuclear weapons...again.

• JESUS 3000: 2 - This takes place immediately after the first one. Jesus has killed the Easter Bunny and is about to return back to Heaven when the Easter Bunny's psychotic, dual glaive-wielding son immediately shows up to avenge his father's death. He loses. Special guest appearance by: Buddha. He shows up as an even more foul and crass foil to Jesus and aids him in his fight.

• JESUS 3000: 3 - Jesus fights Santa Claus over holiday dominance, Santa flies a mechanical reindeer and Hulks out into a giant monster thing, gets defeated with a face-full of elephant piss, and self-destructs his factory after getting trapped and raped by Michael Jackson. Special guest appearance: Vishnu makes a brief appearance, as well as a mute Moses. And Michael Jackson (who was in the news at the time, as well).

Questions I Got Asked A Lot During Making These:

Q: Why's it called "Jesus 3000"? Does the 3000 stand for anything?

A: Because and no, it doesn't mean anything.

Q: Why does the cover look like a horror movie poster?

A: The idea came from a mistaken doodle of Leatherface. Therefore, the cover should look like a Chainsaw Massacre movie poster.

Q: Do the covers all look like this?

A: Sort of. Same theme of something, usually an item used in the story, ripping through the cover. The holes would represent what volume the book was: 2 holes, second book; 3 holes, third book.

Q: Did you do all of these?

A: Yes. Just me "writing" them and drawing them. Occasionally, I'd go to friends and pitch a joke and see if they laughed or if I could get a reaction out of them. If something worked, it went into the book.

Q: Can I share this/these?

A: Yes, as long as it's said that I did these. The name and the material has been copyrighted by me already so don't go around saying it's yours.

Q: Are you gonna post this shit already?

A: Yes, next post and 4 pages each post. There are 32 pages in total (the last page is incomplete).